If God Hates Divorce, Then Why Did I Get One? Part II

Over the course of the next few months, I would push myself further and further from God. I knew what he wanted me to do and I wasn’t ready to do it. I wasn’t ready to extend grace and mercy to a person who hurt me deeply. I know that God calls us to love our husbands unconditionally. Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” But I couldn’t let go of my conditions,  let alone respect a man who walked out and left me to raise our children alone.

So to make myself feel better about God’s deep conviction about my separation with my husband, I began researching scriptures in the bible and reading them out of context to appease my flesh. Like 1 Corinthians 7: 12-15 says,  “12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” I convinced myself that he wasn’t a believer so because he left, I could divorce him and live in peace

I knew I was going to file for a divorce, so I tried to make myself “feel” better by going against what God wanted. I never even asked him how he felt about the situation or about what I should do next. I simply ignored what his word said and what he was telling me in my quiet time with him. Soon after, I stopped spending time with him. I stopped reading scripture and decided that if God wouldn’t change my husband, then I would just get a new one. Even though my husband and I weren’t “real” believers when we first got married, we got saved years later. But because he left, I assumed that he wasn’t “God’s best” for me because he wasn’t what I thought a Christian should look like. He didn’t resemble any of the characteristics I felt I needed to make a relationship work.

When God brings you your husband or wife, they won’t meet all of your conditions. They won’t meet every line on your checklist because that is God’s way of growing you. It’s God’s way of showing you how to practice unconditional love, grace, and patience with your spouse. The purpose of marriage is to demonstrate Christ’s love for the church. The way Christ gave himself up for her. How he is patient with his church, how he continues to love his church through the continuous mistakes we make. The numerous times we leave his presence, and he waits for us to come back with open arms. Lovingly.

So I walked away from God because he didn’t give me what I felt I needed. I walked away from him and the church and into the world of online dating. I signed up for every online dating profile possible. Not only was I determined to find someone to fill the void my husband left, I was also unconsciously trying to fill the void I created when I walked away from God. I was lonely, depressed, and sought advice from unbelievers. Advice that ranged from, “To get over an old man you need to get up under a new one” to “Get you a one thing for late at night when you feeling lonely”. These things combined led to me going on a few dates, one which ended in attempted rape. God has a way of breaking you down over and over again until you realize that he is the only one that can save you.

So when did things change for me? Stay tuned for part III.

One thought on “If God Hates Divorce, Then Why Did I Get One? Part II

  1. Divorce? Attempted rape? Oh goodness no! I’m praying for you. As you know, God has got you! 💋

    I move back to Atlanta this week, let me know if you need anything.

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