New Season of Brokenness

In October of 2015, after much prayer and fasting, God told me to allow my husband to come home (after the divorce was finalized). That I was not released from him and my previous marriage yet. Insert happy ending here ____________________.

Honestly, contrary to popular belief, I was not happy about what God was saying to me. The thoughts that were running through my head were, “God, he’s not one of your children”,  “I’m not ready for a relationship yet”, and “I honestly just don’t want to do this”. But I was obedient to what God was telling me.

God was telling me to do something that was bigger than me and when God tells you to do something, you must be obedient. He told me that it wouldn’t be easy, that it would be a constant battle of me dying to my flesh and that it was going to require a lot of me. It was going to stretch me and break me in a new way. It was going to require that I must forgive him and grace him daily. That I must approach him with a quiet and gentle spirit even if he isn’t pleasant to deal with. That I must submit, even if he isn’t worth (or what I deem worth) submitting to. Even through all of the pain, hurt, and loneliness; I had to choose to forgive someone who continuously hurt me.

“Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit” – contrary to what we would expect, brokenness is the pathway to blessing! There are no alternative routes; there are no short-cuts. The very thing we dread and are tempted to resist is actually the means to God’s greatest blessings in our lives.”
– Nancy Leigh DeMoss

That in itself is a feat, much less work on building a relationship with this person. Forgiving someone you don’t have to see everyday is hard, but forgiving someone that you will be living with, building a relationship with, and caring for is tough. So on the day before Halloween, he began making the drive from Michigan to Atlanta permanently.

Over the first few weeks, I began to wear my wedding band again. God began to show me that the ring I wear is not a symbol of marriage.  It is a symbol of my obedience to God. It symbolizes that even if he leaves again, I will continue to be obedient, I will continue to honor God. I will continue to seek him first above all things. This ring, is my obedience to what God told me to do.

God told me to show my husband the love of Christ. That he was my Hosea. That no matter how hard being with him would be, no matter if he left, or how he treated me, I should continue to buy him back. Not for him, but to demonstrate God’s love for his people. No matter how deep we get into our mess, God continues to buy us back by sending his son to the cross to die.

So everyday I put on my wedding ring, not because of my commitment to my husband, but because of my commitment and obedient to Christ. Whether he stays or leaves, God is still God. Whether he is the man of God I needed him to be, I am still obedient to God. Regardless of what he does, I must continue to be obedient to God.

Whether I am single, married, or divorced; my worth is found in Christ.

 

 

 

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